This is my interpretation of the aid package

This is only my understanding. I might be wrong.

This is the current Prime Minister of Malaysia's annoncement.

This has a few assumptions, please read the assumptions.

From the news - (quoting The Star article -

SMEs stimulus package: Madam Lee, Haji Salleh and Surjit Kaur can now smile

. Underlined is quoted) 3 examples were given by the current Prime minister

1.

"For example, he said, Madam Lee, the owner of Lee Beauty Salon, an SME micro business with two local workers each earning less than RM4,000 a month, can get a wage subsidy for three months totalling RM7,200 and a micro grant of RM3,000."

Assuming they are earning RM3,000 a month, that will be RM6,000 a month for the 2 of them. For 3 months, that's 18,000. You are providing 40% of their salary.

2.

"Muhyiddin also gave the example of Restoran Mi Kolok "sedap" Haji Salleh in Kuching, Sarawak which can receive benefits totalling RM34,200 over a three-month period, excluding micro-credit loans."

"Let’s say this restaurant has five local workers with salaries of RM4,000 and below each, and two foreign workers. To meet the cash-flow requirements during the movement control order (MCO) period, the restaurant owner can get a BSN micro-credit loan of RM50,000 and wage subsidies totalling RM18,000 for five workers,” he added.

Assuming 5 locals = RM3,000 each and 2 foreign workers at RM1,500 each, over 3 monhs, that is RM54,000. You are providing 30% of their salary.

3.

For Syarikat Surjit Kaur Sdn Bhd, a small-sized company in the furniture manufacturing sector with five local workers earning RM4,000 and below, 10 foreign workers and the rest, local workers, with salaries of more than RM4,000, Muhyiddin said the owner stands to receive benefits totalling RM63,800.

I cannot see how the total benefits are computed. Assuming this company has more than 75 and less than 200 people, and the rest the same as before,

5 local workers at RM3,000 x RM800 per worker = RM4,000 per month in subsidies

10 foreign workers at RM1,500 = nothing in subsidies

and the rest local workers with salaries more than RM4,000? By my calculations, you are providing only RM12,000. Even if the 10 foreign workers all have their permits expiring this year, no way will you reach RM63,800.

This is all before the condition that revenue must have dropped more than 50% since January, way before the effects of covid-19 were felt. This will make most businesses ineligible for the grants. This is a very conservative view, and there are other rules that have not come to my attention.

I hope this is a new start

In this relative chaos and with people scrambling to buy groceries in some countries and I am not there to join in the fun, I again find myself on the precipice of hoping that this is the end. Hoping that perhaps a mighty one will demonstrate, enough of your crap.

Had a rather brief conversation, and it went along the line of - the crux of capitalism is that you fend for yourself. Now, you can say that without the threat of peril, the average person will not be motivated to do their best. However, when there is an international disaster, there just isn't a safety net to catch those falling. When in relative peace, there is a healthcare system that is only sufficient to provide with the top few percent with acceptable healthcare, there is definitely not enough to do anything for a meaningful number of people at a time like this.

To justify myself, even in a country like Singapore, I am sure you will know of people or yourself, who has forgone crucial medical procedures because they cant afford it. That was before this. The scale of medical supplies that are necessary now is insurmountable.

I am sure this will only ensure that those that need to die, will die. Those that are lucky enough to survive this will, after a long period of self pity and even more half masts and minutes of silence, will then again forget what this has taught us. That greed is not sustainable.

What I hope for the future is that everyone considers their actions. The world is far too selfish for me not to wish that everyone seriously considers l'appel du vide. And then do it. Or realize that you are part of a colony. Even ants know how to keep all their food together and share. They stand together when needed but fall alone. Realize that each and every one of us now are not even capable of that. We hoard food, we desert collectives that we join or are part of, and should we fall, we drag anyone and everyone in grasp down with us. Learn to be part of a collective.

Just like there is no United Colonies Antland, and no Republic of Creepy-crawlies, we can manage when the collectives are managed and everyone plays their part. And because I know that this is only an imaginary utopia, and for most part, we are all itching to go skiing one last time before everything melts, I wish us all the worst. No last bright burst of light before we burn out, but just darkness as the LED transformer dies.

This place

Sometimes I forget why this is a bad place. This is where progress happens, and this is where you relate to. Why is this a bad place? Can it be argued that social progress is detrimental to this place, or is it only because many are left behind by that progress. Can it be argued that social nets will only serve as social hammocks, or is it only because people think chance favored them because they are superior and they don't want to help others?

The only two schools of thought for a government are fundamentally flawed, each camp having the "pollutants" of the other. Capitalism always needs to keep the lowest echelons in check, and socialism needs to keep the upper in check.

On a smaller ecosystem, most parents force their beliefs on their children. Most parents only had kids for that sole purpose. For self affirmation. They usually succeed, except in some readers.

As we keep discovering, the same stories are being told and retold, with different scenarios and magnitude.

I do not want any part in prolonging the longevity of this species. Sometimes I forget why this is a bad place.

Dunning Kruger effect

After so many years, I think I understand. Wherever we are on the curve, we will always have a different perspective on what is happening. As everyone is different, so are the length of our fingers. Please be well. And happiness will follow, as excellence precedes success.

Why most people will fail

Today, I was just getting my fix of Char Kuay Teow -

CKT in short

WHEN, I received a forwarded message. It read - 

TIPS ON FILLING YOUR CAR(S)  (Good information) 

Petrol is becoming more and more expensive! 

My line of work has been in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every litre.  Here at the Marian Hill Pipeline where I work in Durban we deliver about 4 million litres in a 24-hour period through the pipeline.  One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and petrol, LRP and Unleaded.  We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 litres. 

Only buy or fill up your car or bakkie in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold.  Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground..  The colder the ground the more dense the fuel, when it gets warmer petrol expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening your litre is not exactly a litre.  In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the petrol, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. 

A one degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business.  But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps. 

When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages:  low, middle, and high.  In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapours that are created while you are pumping.  All hoses at the pump have a vapour return.  If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapour.  Those vapours are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money. 

One of the most important tips is to fill up when your tank is HALF FULL. 

The reason for this is because the more fuel you have in your tank the less air is occupying its empty space.  Petrol evaporates faster than you can imagine.  Petroleum storage tanks have an internal floating roof.  This roof serves as zero clearance between the petrol and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation.  Unlike service stations, here where I work every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every litre is actually the exact amount. 

Another reminder, if there is a fuel truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy, DO NOT fill up - most likely the petrol/diesel is being stirred up as the fuel is being delivered and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.  Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.

Do share these tips with others

AND, that got me thinking. Firstly, THAT IS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT. Of course me being me, I spent the next 20 minutes of my time explaining to the sender why every point that was made in that "viral" text was false, and was really just getting people to beat around the bush, and achieve nothing.

Secondly, and more importantly, and thus this is the title of this post, is that in this current landscape, it is just more and more likely that you will fail, if you listen to media, read posts and do not do fact checking. And the sad part is that most people do not do fact checking, and even if they do, they have no idea as to what they are checking, and even worse, they end up bolstering their nonsensical claim with another even more bogus website.

To end this of, I suggest that all of you open your eyes. Everything is said for a reason. Everything is done for a reason. (Well, by those in power, government or religious, and also big companies at least). Most of what is said or done is to lead you in a particular direction. This direction is to keep you unquestioningly following, as you march on to your end. You think you are special? Yes, so did everyone else over the thousands of millions of years past. In the grand scheme of things, we are insignificant. And once you realize that, only can you really strive to do good. To help your fellow human, To help your fellow Earth - mate. I believe the first lie that most of us are fed is that we are special.

Something I read.

toxic parents

it’s hard to prove abuse when there are no scars to show.

“when she guilts me into fulfilling her wishes. he won’t let me move too far from him because he might, just might, need me for something, sometime, someday. that time she was quick, almost too eager, to berate me in a simple argument. when he dominates every conversation we have, forcing his beliefs onto me and invalidating every opinion or personal experience of mine. when i wanted to express & resolve the pain she caused me and she fell silent, dismissing the conversation, sweeping it all under the rug. i hate asking them for favors as they do it out of future leverage and not love; they use money & my financial straits in an attempt to control me.“they know what’s best” and refuse to allow me to mature & create the life i desire. the times she made me her emotional dump, or when he made me ‘the reason’ why he had to hurt me with his words. they never accept responsibility for their decisions, disrespecting my boundaries in any, and every way, because they’re the parents and i belong to them. they meet any discussion with with manipulation tactics: rage, guilt tripping or denial when confronted. it’s never any accountability, just micro-aggressions and gas-lighting, “i don’t know what you mean”, “that’s not what i meant”, “you’re just sensitive”. taking full advantage of every opportunity to take a dig at me, blasting every failure and shortcoming to anyone that has an ear to hear, being my constant reminder that i will never be better than them. i feel like i’m competing with her, with him. the not so innocent “jokes” they tell about me, and then blame my anger on my “poor” sense of humor. it can’ never be them, it’s always me. instead of telling me how he feels, he creates an uneasy atmosphere being passive aggressive. i live life afraid of upsetting them, the threat of disowning me is always on the table to teach me to cave & discourage free thinking. them being in my life means more than me being happy. and as much as it drains me, i still make that weekly phone call out of child guilt & obligation, and not a show of love & affection. i just don’t want to be the bad, ungrateful child they seem to see me as. i honestly feel depleted in every way after every interaction involving them. i feel i have to protect myself from them, mentally, emotionally, physically, and i shouldn’t have to…”

life has taught me a few things…
our parents are humans. they, too, have had ruinous experiences in their early years which has influenced who they are today. they are not after you. it isn’t even about you. they are caught up in reenacting their childhood through you. how they treat you has nothing to do with you.

none of this means you have to participate. you do not have to stick around. it is okay to walk away. it is okay to let go. you don’t have to be their punching bag while they face their demons.

if you choose to keep them in your life, don’t be hard on yourself. do not regret the love, empathy and compassion you have towards your parents. rejoice in remaining light in heavy situations. no one wants to give up on their parents. and if you happen to get hurt again, forgive yourself. make sure you forgive yourself. you did the best you could.

you cannot make people feel what they do not want to feel. their feelings are not your responsibility. if you can make them feel an emotion, it is because they already resonated with that frequency. if anyone argues that you are responsible for their feelings, or they are responsible for yours, they are crossing an emotional boundary. do not accept that. respectfully, assert yourself as an individual to place that boundary between you and them. you are your own being, and so are they.

for those who still live at home, recognize the cycle and its triggers. you can only stop what you understand. the goal is to mitigate the risk of negative interactions and protecting yourself, not to prove that you are right and they are wrong. this will only exhaust you, and feed them. more importantly, when i understood their triggers, it created that more much room for peace for myself, even if temporal.

before you invite them back into your story line, ask yourself questions like: “am i willing to sacrifice my own health and happiness for them?” “am i willing to sacrifice my relationship with my partner for them?” “am i willing to sacrifice my job, income or my finances for them?” “am i okay knowing that for the rest of my life they’ll call my job multiple times a day, or show up to my house at any time unannounced, refusing to acknowledge the boundaries i set in place?” “can i have a relationship with them for the rest of my life if i knew they would never change?” these questions are not meant to force you into making a decision, but to help you gain a full perspective before you do make a decision.

minimize all arguing, as this is a direct result of reacting. if you can, walk away. this isn’t for them, but for you. the moment you react this way you are now officially sucked back in the cycle, which was what they wanted. as a result, you will end up with your energy depleted, while they feed on your frustration. they may never change how they feel, and you might not ever change how you feel; accept that for the time being and disengage. you’ll need all the energy you have. this is about conserving until it’s time to fight the right battle. if you do decide to respond, remember to usher in love with it. you’re the alchemist. you can change the tone. respond. don’t react.

talk to someone. create a safe space. journal your encounters with your parents: how did you feel? could you have handled your interaction with them any better? talk to someone, whether it be friends, family or a counselor. you might not be able to change your environment but changing your perspective works just as well. conversations invite change, but if you spend the rest of your life with bottled-up unresolved issues, you will end up replaying your childhood through everyone, including yours kids. most importantly, create a safe space for yourself. whether physical or in your mind, know that you have a space you can run to that no one can penetrate without your permission.

your parent(s) may not cooperate and that’s completely fine. do not force them. it will be hard for them to accept that you are refusing be their target after so many years of blind appeasement. with time they might adjust, or they might not. once again, and i cannot stress this enough, you are not responsible for them. you can only do what is best for you. this is about you, your growth, and your boundaries. it is not about getting them to see their destructive ways. you are all you need. i hope this helps. i love you.

the monetary system

Now look, inflation is theft, and when they are looking for a positive inflation number so that they can issue more bonds to the central bank, that is just plain stupid. We are funding their rubbish moves!

Cireulus in probando

We know about God from the Bible; and we know we can trust it because it is the inspired word of God

Farmers benefit from price supports on beef; shoemakers gain from supports on shoes, and so on. Obviously the whole economy would
benefit if all products were subsidized.
(The point is that farmers and shoemakers only benefit if they are in a
small group which benefits at the expense of everyone else. If the
principle is extrapolated, everyone receives the subsidies, everyone
pays the taxes to fund them, and everyone loses out to the bureaucrats
who administer the transfers.)

Dreams

Work is becoming interesting. Do you think that that is a reflection of who we are? I have been having nightmares. Each of them worse than last. However, what I think needs to be done is very different from what people think success is. I wish I had more help.

Yee Barh Huo

With a vengeance, I have chased down half burnt bridges and torched them for this is the juncture in my life where I need to do this.

the inconsequential read (the circle of life)

The start-
It has been ages since I have had the time and the mental clarity to think about what I am doing, and more importantly, where I am headed. I just spent a weekend with the parents, and I decided that that was by far one of the hardest things that I do, and also, one of the hardest things that I have not yet accomplished. As hopeless as that sounds, I think that the reason that am unable to move on is that though I do not remember as well as others, I understand the reason as to why people do things. And on top of that, if they do not have a reason to do the things that they do, I assign them the most probable reason that they might have had. In turn, considering that most people do not have reasons to act the way that they do, naturally they are assigned the worst possible reason. That said, there are many who have crossed my path that this does not hold true for. Some are just fucked up pure and simple, while for others, the path to hell was paved with good intentions. Its a whole damn spectrum of people!

The reinforcement (pseudo conclusion)-
Perhaps with time, I will be able to understand that pure chance determines the passage of us through our lives, for there are many things that we do and do unconsciously that have an effect on others, this effect throwing you into one of the classes of people that I pointed out before. Good, bad, or just fucked up. Perhaps another way of analyzing this is how memory and the attitude to memory works. I was talking to a Mr Lee, and he said to me that it is very important for me to be positive, and stressed the importance of positive thinking. Perhaps because we (I) do not remember as well as we think we (I) do, and most of the time people do not have reasons to do the things that they do, we might be better off when we are positive, and assume the best of people's actions.

The strike off -
In conclusion, I can say that this is mostly bullshit because in my experience, in matters that have affected me the most, in matters that have caused me the most pain, the biggest waste of my time, and the biggest impact on me as a person, I have realized that for those matters, people did what they did on purpose, and it was all premeditated, and they were out for blood. As for now, and I have to admit that I am still young (relative to Noah the ark builder), I have gotten positive reinforcement for being cautious, and not assuming the best. I have gotten negative reinforcement when I assumed everything was A-okay.

To end-
I stand by the fact that I have seen beauty in the most socially unacceptable looking people, and I have seen the devil in the most angelic faces.

Twenty dollars

It has been ages, since the last time I felt sane enough to post anything. It is one of those days where I just take off and disappear for a while and thus the time to be staring at a screen and wonder about life daydream.

I saw on the paper a while ago - when you turn 30

I know that it is not that I am just 30, that day has come and gone, but what was in the article was rather interesting. It was that most people don't know what they are doing. There are so many ways of looking at that it was almost an impossible thought exercise, but here are my twenty dollars worth.

We are all too open to external influence. I am particularly vulnerable because I give things too much thought. I have been fiddling with doing the exact opposite, thinking in hindsight instead of at the moment. I have to say that it is working out strangely well, as it would be very much more in line with what society would expect a person to behave. This of course leads me to agree with the statement of - most people dont know what they are doing. Oh fun.

Anyhow, back to the topic at hand, when you turn 30. This mounting pressure is insane. I am still coming to terms with being the "adult", and even worse, realizing that what I say is "the management's decision". Especially when everything is hanging off a strand of silk.

All will be well me hopes. What I want is paramount.

On a sidenote, I remember in a post long ago that I wrote that I am not yet afraid of death, but I have to admit that I am terrified of having to have one of my teeth pulled!

Horses, regulations, and human self preservation

So picture this. You get home with your brand new INSERT (car / television / computer / set-top box / new mobile phone / groceries / clothes / et cetera), and you rip open whatever packaging that came with your purchase. You have to know that the packaging, though plastered with whatever the brand of whatever you bought, does not necessarily mean that they made what you bought. It is, more often than not, entirely made by a third party. You're now a proud new owner of whatever you just bought.

Now, lets go back to just before you made that purchase. You would definitely have considered price, and as with most of our purchases, we look for the best that our money can get us. Now this is where the real demand comes from. It is no longer as simple as brand loyalty as with what used to be, simply because, with technological advances aplenty, I am speculating that the average consumer would, at many times, just be comparing a specification sheet.When there are basically only a few producers in the world (and I am not talking tier one suppliers like blackberry or apple),  the pressure for lowered production costs does not effectively come from the consumers, but rather, from the tier one and two suppliers.

Now, what happens when say, you buy anything? That something would be already be on a shelf, and for that to happen, someone somewhere would have said - I want to sell a _______ at $______. Then, someone would say that I can make this at $_____. The first guy would think about how much money he can earn, and then this whole project would either start or not. This is a simple model, but this is exactly what is happening that makes horse meat end up in burgers, and clothes from big brands originating from sweat shops.

Simply put, do we really care about the process of where our products come from? Do we still care that the poor guys are working themselves silly to be able to produce some meat to sell as burgers don't have food themselves?

Yes. I have been there. I have walked into Tesco's and bought a toaster oven for Eur 12, instead of a non generic brand for more than 5 times more. Did I get a good deal? Yes. Can I be sure that by my purchase, I am not encouraging a company in exploiting an unsustainable work force?

And now that you have read this, you may be thinking that you should not be buying the cheapest. But you have to know that though you may always stick to the big brands, I am sure that it does not translate to the happy production lines of the north pole.

Do I have a suggestion? No. All I know is that when you take a product, and cut out all the middlemen, selling straight from factories to consumers, you start a war. A price war that impacts all the middlemen. When middlemen struggle for survival, the smaller manufacturers suffer. When the manufacturers struggle for survival, you get odd meats in your burgers, amongst others. This is not a new story. Is there anything we can do to stop this? No. Definitely not. I am just really wondering as to where this is headed.

New surroundings

It is weird this little town where I am at now. It is quiet when you want it to be quiet, and rowdy when you want it to be rowdy. It is familiar, and yet so alien. It is boring, and yet so engaging. It is Spisska Nova Ves.

I know that it is a tiny little town, and should I tell my friends what I do here for fun, they would definitely scoff and tell me that I have definitely lost it. I have spent many hours in a cafe with my kindle reading some mind numbing book, watching the locals until my vision gets blurred by all that cheap beer. I have spent hours walking around, with a few cigarettes into alleys and corners where everything looks so medieval, where everything is so quiet, unappreciated, even though they are ancient, and have seen more winters than I have seen sunrises.

I like it here, being far away from people and things that are supposed to require your attention. That are supposed to function even without your attention. That would tell you a lot if and when they break down. Of course I am not trying to be self destructive, but sometimes, I suppose the only way to know is by testing.

Well, I spoke to a friend yesterday, and after I called him, wanting to have a listening ear, realized that he is in a whole load more shit than I am! And strangely, listening to his troubles, I am so happy to be me, instead of him! How very strange. To expect a listening ear, and instead, offering one.

Today

I was told that I have to be more firm in getting what I want. I was told I give people too many chances. Sometimes, I let people lead me around by the nose. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Who's to say? Who's to say when is the time to let go, and or when is the time to be firm? Who's to say that now is the time for that, and later would not bring better things?

Oh well, on a positive note, I had been really productive. Being away from it all, the noise of the city and people has probably done me a lot of good. In being able to silence my mind. Downside is that I definitely feel that my brain is processing less. Don't know if that is the silence, or the cold!

And ever apt, from V,
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.

What has been happening

I have been thrown into unfamiliarity, and though this is what I wanted, of course, I am finding it a little tough to cope, a little tough to fit in. Well, nothing is going to change, and so I'd better fit in.

On another note, I have been reading how I have felt while I had some time away, the best and the worst times of this year. I feel that though things have changed once again, I don't know how I am feeling about all this. I know on one hand that I am happy that I get another chance to work at things with the person I love, but on the other hand, I feel that nothing has changed in that there are issues that are still unresolved, and as such, are once again, taking a toll on the relationship. There is a reason why the relationship took a turn for the worse the last time, and if still unresolved, will come back again. I am willing to work on these problems, but like everything, that takes two hands to applaud.

I have to admit that I have never really moved on from what happened over the past 3 years. I still love what I had. It is, however, very hard to move on with a second try when what has been dealt to me was really very nasty. I think I will need a lot more reassurance and TLC if I am going to heal at all. I have become a lot more nasty, knowing that if let them in, I will be putting myself in the position to get hurt very badly.

That said, if a superficial relationship is all that is wanted from me, and if no real commitment is seen, then I suppose that there is nothing for me to hang on to. Happy events and occasions are only there to reinforce a strong relationship. When that is not available, then are happy memories all that I can hang on to? I know what I want. I want it all. I want a soulmate, and soulmates know the other's needs and wants. I don't want to get any less than I deserve. I think I deserve an understanding partner, someone who can take care of my feelings. Like a close friend says, someone who knows when I am going to the other person like a hurt puppy, and some TLC is needed.

Going on about what happened over the past 3 months. I was reckless, and I was going about the world with a sledgehammer. I am surprised that I didn't kill myself in the process. I  know I hurt many people, and in hindsight, I am sorry. I was mean to the people who held my hand, who were nice and good to me.

I know that whatever I write, and whatever I say, that there is going to be very high chance that I get sucked into this again. Perhaps like my friends say, I just waste too much time on things that don't matter / things that shouldn't matter.

Some people do what they say, and say what they do. Some have such a large discrepancy between the two. Others just spout nonsense. Which are you?

I'm outta here

Well, this closes a chapter for me in my work life, and though I have worked hard at it, I really need a change from what I have been doing all this while. So much has changed over the past 3 weeks, so much so that I really dont know where to start. Whatever it is, I feel that I am doing better, and generally happier!

What it means to be a gentleman/lady

I was reading somewhere - What it means to be a gentleman / lady. It simply means to make those around you be as comfortable as possible with your actions and words, and to mean them. Some people have it, some are instigators and others are only jesters. Actions and words. Simple right?

I wish me all the best!

Here's to me finding something intellectually stimulating sometime soon! Fingers crossed!

My back!

I hurt my back from windsurfing overpowered, and it is really killing me! Now the dilemma, do I see a specialist now, or do I follow what the medical websites say and hang on for a bit? It is getting better, but oh so so slowly!