The start-
It has been ages since I have had the time and the mental clarity to think about what I am doing, and more importantly, where I am headed. I just spent a weekend with the parents, and I decided that that was by far one of the hardest things that I do, and also, one of the hardest things that I have not yet accomplished. As hopeless as that sounds, I think that the reason that am unable to move on is that though I do not remember as well as others, I understand the reason as to why people do things. And on top of that, if they do not have a reason to do the things that they do, I assign them the most probable reason that they might have had. In turn, considering that most people do not have reasons to act the way that they do, naturally they are assigned the worst possible reason. That said, there are many who have crossed my path that this does not hold true for. Some are just fucked up pure and simple, while for others, the path to hell was paved with good intentions. Its a whole damn spectrum of people!
The reinforcement (pseudo conclusion)-
Perhaps with time, I will be able to understand that pure chance determines the passage of us through our lives, for there are many things that we do and do unconsciously that have an effect on others, this effect throwing you into one of the classes of people that I pointed out before. Good, bad, or just fucked up. Perhaps another way of analyzing this is how memory and the attitude to memory works. I was talking to a Mr Lee, and he said to me that it is very important for me to be positive, and stressed the importance of positive thinking. Perhaps because we (I) do not remember as well as we think we (I) do, and most of the time people do not have reasons to do the things that they do, we might be better off when we are positive, and assume the best of people's actions.
The strike off -
In conclusion, I can say that this is mostly bullshit because in my experience, in matters that have affected me the most, in matters that have caused me the most pain, the biggest waste of my time, and the biggest impact on me as a person, I have realized that for those matters, people did what they did on purpose, and it was all premeditated, and they were out for blood. As for now, and I have to admit that I am still young (relative to Noah the ark builder), I have gotten positive reinforcement for being cautious, and not assuming the best. I have gotten negative reinforcement when I assumed everything was A-okay.
To end-
I stand by the fact that I have seen beauty in the most socially unacceptable looking people, and I have seen the devil in the most angelic faces.
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Twenty dollars
It has been ages, since the last time I felt sane enough to post anything. It is one of those days where I just take off and disappear for a while and thus the time to be staring at a screen and wonder about life daydream.
I saw on the paper a while ago - when you turn 30
I know that it is not that I am just 30, that day has come and gone, but what was in the article was rather interesting. It was that most people don't know what they are doing. There are so many ways of looking at that it was almost an impossible thought exercise, but here are my twenty dollars worth.
We are all too open to external influence. I am particularly vulnerable because I give things too much thought. I have been fiddling with doing the exact opposite, thinking in hindsight instead of at the moment. I have to say that it is working out strangely well, as it would be very much more in line with what society would expect a person to behave. This of course leads me to agree with the statement of - most people dont know what they are doing. Oh fun.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand, when you turn 30. This mounting pressure is insane. I am still coming to terms with being the "adult", and even worse, realizing that what I say is "the management's decision". Especially when everything is hanging off a strand of silk.
All will be well me hopes. What I want is paramount.
On a sidenote, I remember in a post long ago that I wrote that I am not yet afraid of death, but I have to admit that I am terrified of having to have one of my teeth pulled!
I saw on the paper a while ago - when you turn 30
I know that it is not that I am just 30, that day has come and gone, but what was in the article was rather interesting. It was that most people don't know what they are doing. There are so many ways of looking at that it was almost an impossible thought exercise, but here are my twenty dollars worth.
We are all too open to external influence. I am particularly vulnerable because I give things too much thought. I have been fiddling with doing the exact opposite, thinking in hindsight instead of at the moment. I have to say that it is working out strangely well, as it would be very much more in line with what society would expect a person to behave. This of course leads me to agree with the statement of - most people dont know what they are doing. Oh fun.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand, when you turn 30. This mounting pressure is insane. I am still coming to terms with being the "adult", and even worse, realizing that what I say is "the management's decision". Especially when everything is hanging off a strand of silk.
All will be well me hopes. What I want is paramount.
On a sidenote, I remember in a post long ago that I wrote that I am not yet afraid of death, but I have to admit that I am terrified of having to have one of my teeth pulled!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Horses, regulations, and human self preservation
So picture this. You get home with your brand new INSERT (car / television / computer / set-top box / new mobile phone / groceries / clothes / et cetera), and you rip open whatever packaging that came with your purchase. You have to know that the packaging, though plastered with whatever the brand of whatever you bought, does not necessarily mean that they made what you bought. It is, more often than not, entirely made by a third party. You're now a proud new owner of whatever you just bought.
Now, lets go back to just before you made that purchase. You would definitely have considered price, and as with most of our purchases, we look for the best that our money can get us. Now this is where the real demand comes from. It is no longer as simple as brand loyalty as with what used to be, simply because, with technological advances aplenty, I am speculating that the average consumer would, at many times, just be comparing a specification sheet.When there are basically only a few producers in the world (and I am not talking tier one suppliers like blackberry or apple), the pressure for lowered production costs does not effectively come from the consumers, but rather, from the tier one and two suppliers.
Now, what happens when say, you buy anything? That something would be already be on a shelf, and for that to happen, someone somewhere would have said - I want to sell a _______ at $______. Then, someone would say that I can make this at $_____. The first guy would think about how much money he can earn, and then this whole project would either start or not. This is a simple model, but this is exactly what is happening that makes horse meat end up in burgers, and clothes from big brands originating from sweat shops.
Simply put, do we really care about the process of where our products come from? Do we still care that the poor guys are working themselves silly to be able to produce some meat to sell as burgers don't have food themselves?
Yes. I have been there. I have walked into Tesco's and bought a toaster oven for Eur 12, instead of a non generic brand for more than 5 times more. Did I get a good deal? Yes. Can I be sure that by my purchase, I am not encouraging a company in exploiting an unsustainable work force?
And now that you have read this, you may be thinking that you should not be buying the cheapest. But you have to know that though you may always stick to the big brands, I am sure that it does not translate to the happy production lines of the north pole.
Do I have a suggestion? No. All I know is that when you take a product, and cut out all the middlemen, selling straight from factories to consumers, you start a war. A price war that impacts all the middlemen. When middlemen struggle for survival, the smaller manufacturers suffer. When the manufacturers struggle for survival, you get odd meats in your burgers, amongst others. This is not a new story. Is there anything we can do to stop this? No. Definitely not. I am just really wondering as to where this is headed.
Now, lets go back to just before you made that purchase. You would definitely have considered price, and as with most of our purchases, we look for the best that our money can get us. Now this is where the real demand comes from. It is no longer as simple as brand loyalty as with what used to be, simply because, with technological advances aplenty, I am speculating that the average consumer would, at many times, just be comparing a specification sheet.When there are basically only a few producers in the world (and I am not talking tier one suppliers like blackberry or apple), the pressure for lowered production costs does not effectively come from the consumers, but rather, from the tier one and two suppliers.
Now, what happens when say, you buy anything? That something would be already be on a shelf, and for that to happen, someone somewhere would have said - I want to sell a _______ at $______. Then, someone would say that I can make this at $_____. The first guy would think about how much money he can earn, and then this whole project would either start or not. This is a simple model, but this is exactly what is happening that makes horse meat end up in burgers, and clothes from big brands originating from sweat shops.
Simply put, do we really care about the process of where our products come from? Do we still care that the poor guys are working themselves silly to be able to produce some meat to sell as burgers don't have food themselves?
Yes. I have been there. I have walked into Tesco's and bought a toaster oven for Eur 12, instead of a non generic brand for more than 5 times more. Did I get a good deal? Yes. Can I be sure that by my purchase, I am not encouraging a company in exploiting an unsustainable work force?
And now that you have read this, you may be thinking that you should not be buying the cheapest. But you have to know that though you may always stick to the big brands, I am sure that it does not translate to the happy production lines of the north pole.
Do I have a suggestion? No. All I know is that when you take a product, and cut out all the middlemen, selling straight from factories to consumers, you start a war. A price war that impacts all the middlemen. When middlemen struggle for survival, the smaller manufacturers suffer. When the manufacturers struggle for survival, you get odd meats in your burgers, amongst others. This is not a new story. Is there anything we can do to stop this? No. Definitely not. I am just really wondering as to where this is headed.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
New surroundings
It is weird this little town where I am at now. It is quiet when you want it to be quiet, and rowdy when you want it to be rowdy. It is familiar, and yet so alien. It is boring, and yet so engaging. It is Spisska Nova Ves.
I know that it is a tiny little town, and should I tell my friends what I do here for fun, they would definitely scoff and tell me that I have definitely lost it. I have spent many hours in a cafe with my kindle reading some mind numbing book, watching the locals until my vision gets blurred by all that cheap beer. I have spent hours walking around, with a few cigarettes into alleys and corners where everything looks so medieval, where everything is so quiet, unappreciated, even though they are ancient, and have seen more winters than I have seen sunrises.
I like it here, being far away from people and things that are supposed to require your attention. That are supposed to function even without your attention. That would tell you a lot if and when they break down. Of course I am not trying to be self destructive, but sometimes, I suppose the only way to know is by testing.
Well, I spoke to a friend yesterday, and after I called him, wanting to have a listening ear, realized that he is in a whole load more shit than I am! And strangely, listening to his troubles, I am so happy to be me, instead of him! How very strange. To expect a listening ear, and instead, offering one.
I know that it is a tiny little town, and should I tell my friends what I do here for fun, they would definitely scoff and tell me that I have definitely lost it. I have spent many hours in a cafe with my kindle reading some mind numbing book, watching the locals until my vision gets blurred by all that cheap beer. I have spent hours walking around, with a few cigarettes into alleys and corners where everything looks so medieval, where everything is so quiet, unappreciated, even though they are ancient, and have seen more winters than I have seen sunrises.
I like it here, being far away from people and things that are supposed to require your attention. That are supposed to function even without your attention. That would tell you a lot if and when they break down. Of course I am not trying to be self destructive, but sometimes, I suppose the only way to know is by testing.
Well, I spoke to a friend yesterday, and after I called him, wanting to have a listening ear, realized that he is in a whole load more shit than I am! And strangely, listening to his troubles, I am so happy to be me, instead of him! How very strange. To expect a listening ear, and instead, offering one.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Today
I was told that I have to be more firm in getting what I want. I was told I give people too many chances. Sometimes, I let people lead me around by the nose. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Who's to say? Who's to say when is the time to let go, and or when is the time to be firm? Who's to say that now is the time for that, and later would not bring better things?
Oh well, on a positive note, I had been really productive. Being away from it all, the noise of the city and people has probably done me a lot of good. In being able to silence my mind. Downside is that I definitely feel that my brain is processing less. Don't know if that is the silence, or the cold!
And ever apt, from V,
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.
Oh well, on a positive note, I had been really productive. Being away from it all, the noise of the city and people has probably done me a lot of good. In being able to silence my mind. Downside is that I definitely feel that my brain is processing less. Don't know if that is the silence, or the cold!
And ever apt, from V,
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.
Friday, July 6, 2012
What has been happening
I have been thrown into unfamiliarity, and though this is what I wanted, of course, I am finding it a little tough to cope, a little tough to fit in. Well, nothing is going to change, and so I'd better fit in.
On another note, I have been reading how I have felt while I had some time away, the best and the worst times of this year. I feel that though things have changed once again, I don't know how I am feeling about all this. I know on one hand that I am happy that I get another chance to work at things with the person I love, but on the other hand, I feel that nothing has changed in that there are issues that are still unresolved, and as such, are once again, taking a toll on the relationship. There is a reason why the relationship took a turn for the worse the last time, and if still unresolved, will come back again. I am willing to work on these problems, but like everything, that takes two hands to applaud.
I have to admit that I have never really moved on from what happened over the past 3 years. I still love what I had. It is, however, very hard to move on with a second try when what has been dealt to me was really very nasty. I think I will need a lot more reassurance and TLC if I am going to heal at all. I have become a lot more nasty, knowing that if let them in, I will be putting myself in the position to get hurt very badly.
That said, if a superficial relationship is all that is wanted from me, and if no real commitment is seen, then I suppose that there is nothing for me to hang on to. Happy events and occasions are only there to reinforce a strong relationship. When that is not available, then are happy memories all that I can hang on to? I know what I want. I want it all. I want a soulmate, and soulmates know the other's needs and wants. I don't want to get any less than I deserve. I think I deserve an understanding partner, someone who can take care of my feelings. Like a close friend says, someone who knows when I am going to the other person like a hurt puppy, and some TLC is needed.
Going on about what happened over the past 3 months. I was reckless, and I was going about the world with a sledgehammer. I am surprised that I didn't kill myself in the process. I know I hurt many people, and in hindsight, I am sorry. I was mean to the people who held my hand, who were nice and good to me.
I know that whatever I write, and whatever I say, that there is going to be very high chance that I get sucked into this again. Perhaps like my friends say, I just waste too much time on things that don't matter / things that shouldn't matter.
Some people do what they say, and say what they do. Some have such a large discrepancy between the two. Others just spout nonsense. Which are you?
On another note, I have been reading how I have felt while I had some time away, the best and the worst times of this year. I feel that though things have changed once again, I don't know how I am feeling about all this. I know on one hand that I am happy that I get another chance to work at things with the person I love, but on the other hand, I feel that nothing has changed in that there are issues that are still unresolved, and as such, are once again, taking a toll on the relationship. There is a reason why the relationship took a turn for the worse the last time, and if still unresolved, will come back again. I am willing to work on these problems, but like everything, that takes two hands to applaud.
I have to admit that I have never really moved on from what happened over the past 3 years. I still love what I had. It is, however, very hard to move on with a second try when what has been dealt to me was really very nasty. I think I will need a lot more reassurance and TLC if I am going to heal at all. I have become a lot more nasty, knowing that if let them in, I will be putting myself in the position to get hurt very badly.
That said, if a superficial relationship is all that is wanted from me, and if no real commitment is seen, then I suppose that there is nothing for me to hang on to. Happy events and occasions are only there to reinforce a strong relationship. When that is not available, then are happy memories all that I can hang on to? I know what I want. I want it all. I want a soulmate, and soulmates know the other's needs and wants. I don't want to get any less than I deserve. I think I deserve an understanding partner, someone who can take care of my feelings. Like a close friend says, someone who knows when I am going to the other person like a hurt puppy, and some TLC is needed.
Going on about what happened over the past 3 months. I was reckless, and I was going about the world with a sledgehammer. I am surprised that I didn't kill myself in the process. I know I hurt many people, and in hindsight, I am sorry. I was mean to the people who held my hand, who were nice and good to me.
I know that whatever I write, and whatever I say, that there is going to be very high chance that I get sucked into this again. Perhaps like my friends say, I just waste too much time on things that don't matter / things that shouldn't matter.
Some people do what they say, and say what they do. Some have such a large discrepancy between the two. Others just spout nonsense. Which are you?
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I'm outta here
Well, this closes a chapter for me in my work life, and though I have worked hard at it, I really need a change from what I have been doing all this while.
So much has changed over the past 3 weeks, so much so that I really dont know where to start. Whatever it is, I feel that I am doing better, and generally happier!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
What it means to be a gentleman/lady
I was reading somewhere - What it means to be a gentleman / lady. It simply means to make those around you be as comfortable as possible with your actions and words, and to mean them. Some people have it, some are instigators and others are only jesters. Actions and words. Simple right?
Thursday, May 31, 2012
I wish me all the best!
Here's to me finding something intellectually stimulating sometime soon! Fingers crossed!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
My back!
I hurt my back from windsurfing overpowered, and it is really killing me! Now the dilemma, do I see a specialist now, or do I follow what the medical websites say and hang on for a bit? It is getting better, but oh so so slowly!
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