I am sick

Three days straight of windsurfing nonstop, and I am now stuck in bed, without much motivation to do much at all! My nose is all clogged, and my skin on my face feels as thick as cowhide... But again, I am really happy to say that I am improving... though a bit slowly, but I am slowly improving at windsurfing. This is really an arduous task of having to discipline myself to have good footwork on the board so that I can turn faster, but hopefully, it will pay off.

That said, I am really impressed by the wind in Singapore now, and the 25 knots everyday(for 3 days now at least) is really helping with the amount of time I get to spend on the water! Finally, after the amount of time, days and days waiting and getting totally drunk waiting for the wind. Now I know what all the guys say about going to the beach...that it is a total waste of time unless it is now! Monsoon!

Right, other than that, I just attended a good mate's wedding yesterday, and I realize that all... wait, a lot of my friends are getting married, and they all seem so darned happy it's scaring me! Not to mention that they are also asking me as to when my turn is! Oh well, let's let time tell what life has in store for me huh!

So well well, I have to get a project done, and yet, just like everyone else(I suppose) I am distracted in the evenings by everything there is to distract, the festive cheer and all the other crap that is going on! On that note, I should try and start now, and I'll see what comes outta that in 2 hours...

A totally cyclic life

I have realized that, just like a part from the show i just saw - Planet 51, that my life always feels almost perfect, and then just like that, everything seems to come tumbling down. Nothing goes my way. I realize that when I am thinking of solving all that shit that is coming my way, I really like a conducive environment. One that I have been striving to have almost all my life. Unfortunately I too realize that this environment is oh so easily screwed up, and I am constantly having to sweep the floor, clear the table, an whatever not else, just so that I can even sit there to surf the internet!

I really wonder what would encourage others to be more tolerant and understanding toward you. Hinting, asking directly and encouraging is obviously not working, and I am really wondering if there are simply sides of us all which are so self-centered that we lose sight of what is better for us in the long run. I have been trying to find an answer to that for so long now, and I am beginning to feel totally lost. I thought getting away would be good, for me to re-think what I want and how to go about getting it. I thought talking would be good, but again, it takes two to talk. Well, i think I better get started on getting actual work done rather than bitch about life... As usual, and perhaps, though it has never worked, maybe this time, time would solve it all...

Waving!!!

Between life and death

For those who havent heard about it, while windsurfing, I almost killed myself. It was interesting, here goes. I was waiting for the storm to come in, cause the best winds are just before a storm really kicks in. Everything was fine and good, and I was having a blast out at sea, with I would say, a short period of rather kick ass wind. Then, the clouds came in... and I was hurrying back to shore, duhh, cos it looked terribly menacing (and it was!!!). And so, I was happily sailing back, going as fast as a little pebble skipping on the surface of the water when lo and behold, the wind came to an abrupt stop! This was all while I was about say just over a kilometer away from shore.

So, I used my sail as a fan and started pumping it like mad trying to get back to shore but 5 seconds into that, torrential rain hit. I had say 20 meter visibility, and needless to say, I couldnt see shore no more. to compound that (and here's where I thought I was screwed) there was lightning. Not your normal every couple of minutes, but rather, clouds only an apartment block high, every 4 second type of lightning. I put down my sail and sat on my board, thinking... I'm screwed. Half an hour of drifting later, and thank my lucky stars I didnt get hit by any lightning / ships / coast guard / ferries, the lightning eased off.

Just before I lost sight of shore, I saw the wind change direction to an off shore-ly direction, and so, I got up again, and started to surf. Upwind of course. After say an hour of aimless surfing, mind you, it was still 20 meter visibility, i realized i was going nowhere. I heard planes in the distance, and started going toward the noise, cos the sailing center's right next to the airport. Another hour of aimless surfing before the rain eased a tad, and when I saw trees in the horizon, I was pretty darned happy! Took me 45 mins to get close to shore.

This I have to emphasize, to thank all those involved in getting me back. All the boats in the sailing center and neighboring Ministry of Education's adventure camp were out looking for me. Took them an hour and a half to get me. Special thanks to Bow and Alvin (who had blue lips from the cold) for finding me!

Anyhow, I will add another part soon, about how this has affected my belief system.

brains and their vessels

I was speaking with an acquaintance lately, and it struck me as very strange, the way he thought. See, for us, well, me at least, I do view myself as one entity. Not much thought into that. Period. However, it came to light that there are some people out there, of high academic standings, who view their bodies as mere vessels to transport their brains around. This was rather perplexing as in my line of work, there was always a need to ensure that the inter-personal aspect of a relationship was outstanding. When the situation is such that there was superiority of one party, simply because he / she has spent so much time studying "totally irrelevant to society" , "totally obscure" subjects, there comes a point of time when there is a hierarchy formed just because of knowledge.

That said, the necessity of building a knowledge based economy is important, but there has to be alternate forms of attaining this knowledge. With all the emphasis of this being the information age, and the fact that information is now available 24/7, packaged nicely with a ribbon on top, emphasis has to be moved from the ability to recite, to independent thinking.

Independent thinking is something that is a really rare commodity where I am, and from a blog that I was reading, it suddenly becomes evident that there are many who are actually un-spontaneous, anti-intellects, masquerading as academics all around me. Just because you can remember stuff better doesnt make you in any way superior. After all this time in school, I am disappointed to say that that is all institutionalized learning is. A constant unrelenting monster to ensure that you conform, to ensure that you will emerge as a desk-bound worker, to join the masses already in the work-force. This perhaps is another part, much like the matrix movie, of how society has been mapped to ensure the conformance of every individual. This tether that all of us have, perhaps sans jungle-dwellers and tree huggers, is multi-layered. Religion, the working society, education, et cetera.

But then again, perhaps it's all because we have evolved from monkeys, and we are naturally social creatures. creatures who will conform to be accepted. Who wants to be different? More importantly, how and why be different?

Thought

The key to every man is his thought.
Sturdy and defying though he look, he has a helm which he obeys,
which is the idea after which all his facts are classified.
He can only be reformed by showing him a new idea which commands his own.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sitting

The past few days have been rather hectic, with some crap resurfacing,different people, same story. I just hope that the story ends somewhere, and not entire processes of the interpersonal relationship is repeated. That said, I decided that my blog is a tad too bland, and so, introducing, my new sail and board! However, as for the experience, because this is supposed to be reserved for thought and not so much encounters, I will leave that out! But, of course, pictures...

Lemme go back to 2 days ago, when someone close to me, in my opinion, handled a situation in a very poor way. I do understand that it is a common Asian mentality that filial piety is demonstrated by the degree of submissiveness shown by the less advanced of age, but, in my opinion, sometimes, when there is more than one variable at stake, there needs to be a certain understanding that there are going to be repercussions. In this case, to actions that were taken when the end result was not totally weighed. I do believe that actions should be taken by someone as a gamble, a pure and simple gamble, when there is a potential gain that can be obtained. When the risk totally and fully outweighs and outstrips the potential gain, why then do some people insist on going head on into a wall?

Oh well, whatever it is,

I look and I see

Sometimes, I hate people who pretend to know me oh so well, and yet, honestly, they simply do not take the effort to really understand / have not the mental capacity to understand my ramblings, and thus me.

Alright. I admit. Everyone is individual, and everyone has many sides to them and everyone is deep beyond mutual comprehension. BUT, isnt it only right that you give people the benefit of the doubt even when you think they have stepped on your toes?


Well, I dont. and that's why this blog post is so short. Am I HONESTLY supposed to expect from others what I give?

Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

I was reading the paper a few days ago, and I have to say that for once, I am pleasantly surprised at the letters that are actually getting published. It was an article about religious attitudes and the active soliciting of members into different religious sects. I was really amused that it made it into the papers that, and the writer quoted the line from the collected works, commonly known as the Bible; Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. I have to agree with this, and that if you are all for your religion, then good for you. If you don't want me to try converting you to my beliefs, do not try your luck with me.

I have to applaud whatever is happening around me, and I have to say that I have had a rather interesting time reading the local paper. That's a first.

Living standards.

I was reading about the progress of a nation, a rather familiar small country. I noticed that it had a lot to say about where they were, and where they have come since then. It was all good and jolly and mostly patriotic and inspiring, until I came across a certain section. It was about a man, who obviously spent most of his life in that country giving his two cents worth.

This particular individual was happy with the progress of the infrastructure, namely with transportation and the public works. I paused for quite a while actually, and I was wondering as to how much we are supposed to be thankful for what we have. I have always made it such a point that I am thankful that I have what I have, thanking those around me if they had a part to play in that. However, I think that that is exaggerated and overdone when even basic and normal progress of a society is brought out, and public opinion is shaped to be such that the point of - noone owes you a living, you'd still be in a hut in the woods if not for this administration. HOWEVER, has it dawned on that same group of people that this is very much the same thing that is happening all around the world? Are countries not developing and regressing at some pace or other?

My two cents worth; Noonne owes you a living. Play your part, and if this administration doesnt cut it, dont keep living in ignorance, find where you want to be!

What the fuck

As many will say, the most important thing in interpersonal relationships is the semblance of loyalty. I am only quoting askmen.com on statistics, but because men are as such (territorial and jealous), apparently it is necessary to know that your partner is loyal to you.

Loyalty, and the perception of loyalty may be interpreted by the amount of trust one party has of the other. trust that can be built up over time, trust that can be nurtured from simple, little things like letting the other party know that they matter, staying contactable, honesty, et cetera.

However, what happens when these things are not there? When the gun is jumped and the dice thrown without the slightest bit of consideration for the repercussions? I'll tell you. What happens is that the resulting repercussions will slowly but surely rock the foundations of the relationship. And depending on the strength of the building, it may cause the temple to fall. This is, I feel, true for not only couples, but for many interpersonal relationships.

"Believing in love is like sticking your hand into a bag of snakes hoping to pull out an eel" - Da Vinci

What has been going down

Well, the past few days have been really eventful, and there are times when I realize that there are many things that we just simply brush aside, and as such, they accumulate. This can be rather detrimental as as a previous friend once said, a hella long time ago, that if you keep it in you, you will explode someday. I guess that was what happened. Things got out of hand as there was nothing done about it. It wasnt the same thing happening, but the result of them was the same. They all ate away at the very foundation of any human interpersonal relationship.

From a conversation with an old friend, all this has happened before. After a while, it's just a replay of situations and stories. If only I had the clear liquid in the vial that Potter had... What was it... so that I will get all that I want. Was it Liquid Luck?

Phewwww

And now I am totally addicted. I really wanna tack fast.. and now I am taking ages to tack. Suddenly all I can think about is the wind in my hair, and board skimming over the surface of the water. The pull of the sail. The feeling of sailing out into the open sea.

Perhaps this is what I am made off, what I want. The feeling of freedom.

Phwoaaaa!

Someday, I will be there....

life's progress

There are so many things that are needed to be done, and there are so many many more distractions. It is high time that I need to concentrate, and get things done!

On another note, I got a call from an old friend, and it is going to be interesting to meet up again! It's always good to meet up with old friends.

Phantom of the Opera.... - the Maiden song!!

Far away from the land of our birth.

topics that have been bothering me

On tiny scraps of paper that I found all over my desk, here goes!

I still stand by the fact that if I can get down on paper a bit of what I think about, I'll be a great man~

Hear the dragon roaring

If you are dying, right now, Who's going to come looking for you?

I was watching a show about a total psycho - Just because you are totally convinced about yourself, dont make it better to the person next to you.

Feelings - Infinite dreams

Infinite dreams I can't deny them
Infinity is hard to comprehend
I couldn't hear those screams
Even in my wildest dreams

Suffocation waking in a sweat
Scared to fall asleep again
Incase the dream begins again
Someone chasing and cannot move
Standing rigid a nightmare's statue
What a dream when will it end
And will I transcend?

Restless sleep the minds in turmoil
One nightmare ends another fertile
It's getting to me so scared to sleep
But scared to wake now, in too deep

Even though its reached new heights
I rather like the restless nights
It makes me wonder it makes me think
There's more to this I'm on the brink
It's not the fear of what's beyond
It's just that I might not respond
I have an interest almost craving
But would I like to get too far in?

It can't be all coincidence
Too many things are evident
You tell me you're an unbeliever
Spiritualist? Well me I'm neither
But wouldn't you like to know
The truth
Of what's out there to have the proof
And find out just which side
You're on
Where would you end in Heaven or
In Hell?

Help me. Help me to find my true
Self without seeing the future
Save me, save me from torturing
Myself even within my dreams

There's got to be just more to it
Than this
Or tell me why do we exist
I'd like to think that when I die
I'd get a chance another time
And to return and live again
Reincarnate, play the game
Again and again and again

Tech

Well, I was reading, or rather, browsing through Facebook, and i came across a line that I particularly liked. A friend commented that technology should work for us and not the other way round. i just realized that I actually do spend a lot of time going through the process of trying out many new programs. That feeds the need to integrate all the little things that I do and use.

And in full, I do think that in order for technology to work for us, the initial process of integration has to be very religiously adhered to. And true to my word, I am using flock to update my blog, Facebook and all the other what-not. I have to say that it is really rather impressive!

On a lighter note, a great pal is finally coming to Singapore to visit, with his girl, and that's the guy who kinda first made me want to customize everything. Fine. Software at least. Haven't seen him in ages, and it's always good to!

The universe & the big bang

Okay. I have just pondered a long and rather hard about black holes and the big bang, and what do you know? arent they about the same thing? Both are gravitational singularities that for now, we are not yet really in the know. Whatever it is, Imagine this.


There was a black hole. One really big one, and say, it was gulping down a lot of galaxies as we know just around us, Getting bigger and bigger. Say then, that this singularity was exponentially increasing in size. Or rather in gravity exerted on that around it. Slowly but surely, more and more is going to be pulled in. On that same note, as this happens, lets assume that the big bang theory is right, and that there is a critical mass for everything. Uranium and star dust inclusive. So well there. We have, our very own big bang.

My theory however, is that the universe is NOT so small! I believe that, though we are sitting rather near the middle of the epicenter of an atomic blast (big bang), the world (universe) isnt only the size of ground zero. I think, for now, it's just what we are seeing, when everything is moving away and still expanding. That, i think is the big bang's doing. I am not arguing for or against the big bang, I just dont think it is all that big! I think that there might be a lot more than that!

Free Stuff!!!

Well, true to the scrooge in me, there is a site my friend told me about... And you actually get free stuff from them! It's just samples, but what's wrong with having some new stuff to try once in a while?

Here it is...

Wish-dom

In all my intelligence, I was talking to an acquaintance on the phone just a while ago, and I was rather interested in the interpretation of the resurrection of Jesus. It is claimed in some versions of the story - the collected works, or the Bible, that he descended into hell, and on (a few days later - conflicting number) rose again. So I asked :"He went to hell?"

To that I was told that he wasnt actually in hell, but rather, just among the dead. Or as I clarified, those who did not have eternal life. Or so I am presuming that my acquaintance, who has spent a considerable amount of time reading the compilation of stories, knows better than me. Who's to say where he went, but anyhow, assuming that he is right, then I think that will disprove the whole theory of hell.

If this is true, then perhaps there is an afterlife - (heaven)
OR
there is no afterlife - (hell)... Right?

What is the context in which the collected books were written? How did the authors want it to be interpreted?

Vacuum

A workmate is currently being annoying and is vacuuming the area, causing a din and worsening my already throbbing head. For once, maybe not once, but this doesnt happen all that often, my throbbing head is not caused by quantitative drinking. It's just me, doing what I do best, screwing myself over.

I really need time. I am exhausted. Worn so thin, and just dying to.... Fug... I dont even know what I want.

Awww snap...

Well, I got up all bright and early for work today, but still got in a grand total of 2 mins late, cos I was mucking around at home facebook-ing and all shiat... I was just about to start bitching about the fact that some companies actually have a lateness deduction of salary, when every minute late is accounted for, deducting a few dollars every month. I think that there may be a need to do that for the people who actually get paid by the hour, but definitely not for the people who dont get paid overtime!

When this is done for the people who are not getting paid for the amount that they are working, is there any sense in staying late after work? I dont get it. Motivation should be the name of the game. Rapport, and the sense of responsibility should be inculcated. The need for silly procedures of deducting that few dollars from your paycheck should be re-thought. Massively. Especially when even if people are 5 mins late in the morning, I can see that they stay well past 2 hours after the official knock-of time! Oh well, not in my jurisdiction to air my two cents worth.

On another note, I am thinking that there are really some aspects of my lifestyle that has to change. But then again, I am really wondering what to do. Not much seems to want to budge, and not much seems like a good idea. I am really wondering. What happens when the moolah says no? how much is it a good idea to think long term economics, and how much good is it to think... well, everything else? I am rather lost here. perhaps it's good to have a spreadsheet, and re-calculate what i should or should not be doing.

Ta-daa... Re-confusion.

Bike!

You know what they say, once a rider, always a rider? It's true. I mean, i havent had a bike for quite a while now, and honestly, it is pissing me off! The feeling of freedom. The feeling of being able to go anywhere you want. The wind in your face (not hair cos i am an advocate of helmets). That just isnt anywhere close to a car. A car is a responsibility. I worry about parking charges, road toll charges, get oh-so-bored of the drive, the centripetal forces when turning makes me feel like puking every time, the thought of having the breeze full on during sunset and not being able to get it, the whole feel of the car... I am truthful, I am not driving no Lambo, but the performance.

The only time i am happy in a car? When i turn on the windscreen wipers or A/C on a really hot day

I want a bike. A cheap one. Just for the heck of it. For fun.

Sigh....

There comes a point in every man's life when he starts to ponder about what is really important to him. Perhaps by that I mean that there are many times when we think about what we want, and then re-align our thoughts. I have been thinking what a full time job does to me. It's effects on me are really deep and the repercussions are horrendous. When we stay in the office and pursue the interests of the company, we are sacrificing time for oneself, for our personal development.

Think of it this way. Industrialization has made it such that we are spending less and less time on ourselves, and if my theory stands, the emphasis of life is personal development, spiritual or otherwise. Work and the obtaining of money is detrimental because it takes up time, time which can be better spent in personal development, pursuing other things! Maybe it's just me, gotta take it a lot slower. Whatcha think?

Time to.

Well, reminiscing about times past and wondering what the future holds is really one nasty place to be! Oh well, there are times when workload goes up, and then there is a very obvious slowdown in my personal productivity. Funny really, I always thought that I was a tad more consistent than one who has to have a mad rush for stuff because of the looming deadline.

Oh, and for an update, I just joined sgBEAT, and i think they are still experiencing teething problems. I mean, they are spamming me with disconnected messages, but nothing really useful, so... err... lets just give it some time! Other than that, I thought star trek was awesome... Definitely better than angels and demons! Inspired me to go get the whole season of voyager - MY FAVE! and re-watch again! Wonder if i should re-enterprise though. Haha, enough of the geek-talk, and back to my work! I want a break, money, and f***-loads of it! Pity I havent found a way those two can co-exist in harmony! Perpetual self-indulgence, and moo-lah!

Twitter

Well, if you have noticed, there is a twitter sidebar on this blog now, and I have to say that instead of blogging, this micro blogging is really making it so much easier cos I really mostly only have a sentence or two to say! Well, this really helps, so that what i blog about is what i think about, and not what i am doing.

To twittering... and sticking to it!

Well the past week has been really eventful, and it has become such that most of us at home were and will be pushed interestingly far. Not that it really matters, I have been in a self built cotton candy land for quite a bit, and a jolt is probably good to keep me on track. And of course, hopefully, en route to what I want to be.

Cotton candy land has been good, but coupled with the economy in it's current limp state, I am now facing a big issue on personal finances. It cannot continue like this, and I cannot afford it to. You know what they say, you only can afford the crap that you want when it's over. Just look at the nearest old dude in his Porsche / Lamborghini.

To the recent asshole who stepped on my toes;
Dammit, I hate assholes. I hate it when people have to put in effort to make things tough and me irritated. Just cos you are advanced in age does not mean that you are superior in any way. Perhaps only in a race to the coffin. As a matter of a fact, I pride myself in taking out people like you, and if you do think that you can push me around, I am really sorry to disappoint. Time to go say your Hail Marys. My wrath is just about to descend on you.

Doh!

"I have seen several entirely sincere people who thought they were (permanent) Seekers after Truth. They sought diligently, persistently, carefully, cautiously, profoundly, with perfect honesty and nicely adjusted judgment--until they believed that without doubt or question they had found the Truth. That was the end of the search. The man spent the rest of his life hunting up shingles wherewith to protect his Truth from the weather. If he was seeking after political Truth he found it in one or another of the hundred political gospels which govern men in the earth; if he was seeking after the Only True Religion he found it in one or another of the three thousand that are on the market. In any case, when he found the Truth he sought no further; but from that day forth, with his soldering-iron in one hand and his bludgeon in the other he tinkered its leaks and reasoned with objectors."
--Mark Twain

And so it is done

There are many distinct phases of our lives, and mine has just taken a turn. For the better or worse, I cannot tell just yet, but whatever it is, it is a turn. I have been meditating, wondering about the non-perpetuity of life and all that comes with it... human memory and consciousness for instance. Well, the past few days have been really rough, and I can understand that all those around me have been feeling the strain. I understand that there are many preconceptions that we all hold of people that may or may not be true. It is very pronounced when these preconceptions lead us to decide things about the people around us.

Usually these may not matter, but when it comes to crunch time, and when everyone is feeling the strain, it is only natural that decisions will make a very big impact on the other party's emotions. If I was trying my very best at something, it really gets to me when someone thinks that I am slacking just because I sometimes do. Couple that with non-essential crap, and totally irrelevant responsibilities, and it will make this. A really pissed off me!

And more to the weekend

I know there are many things that I need to work on, including overswinging!! dammit... I need practice!

Flock!!

Wow... you know, it really isnt every day that you come across something new, something so revolutionary that you just make the switch so fast you totally forget about the past. Well, after google chrome and yadda yadda yadda, I went in search of a new browser. And there is one! Flock, built on the firefox platform that hasnt failed to impress me in every way, so far! Well, google it, and use it. It is really something to behold. It is so good it's insane!

Huhh???

Gawddammit.. I hate the fact that there are some things that cannot be put off, like how i just spent over two hundred bucks on brakes, a/c filter and other bare essentials for my car! Oh well, looks like I really need to watch my finances. I really cannot go on like this.

So much for that, I think that there are many things that need to be done and there are many things that need to be sorted out, and I am just feeling too worn out to get started on work, and thus this entry! Oh well, I suppose procrastination works well for me.... This time at least.. Perhaps it is good to let things settle and lose it's power to overwhelm, before I make a clear headed choice... It's just the procrastination eh?

So well there, I have wasted enough time, it's time again to close this screen, and get on to open windows on the system tray, those with more pressing needs than this!

The network that we operate on.

As time progresses, things that I read, and have come to know as true and good, continually enforce themselves. This can simply be attributed to the fact that we are looking for signs to enforce what we already think to be true! Not that they are definitely, but rather, because we are looking for the signs that will prove ourselves right, we will either distort reality or equate the things that are happening to our beliefs. Perhaps it's high time for us to keep our minds open and try and form ideas not based on convention and or preconceived ideas. We should never let our ideas be totally stuck, or rather, be afraid to change our ideas. They are already skewed because of the way our minds tick!

Well, on another hand, I think I am really making progress, and if you follow me on twitter, you'd know that I am back online on facebook! Wonder if anyone from one of the companies that I work for read the post about the suspension of facebook. Oh, and if you were wondering, it wasnt unblocked. Perhaps I need to get the people who matter more to READ this blog!

Right, so well there, two cents worth followed by shit I thought mattered. Totalling three cents worth! Ta-daa.

Facebook

A few days ago, something really disturbing happened to me. A friend commented on my status on facebook, and I saw that in my email, but, I could no longer log into facebook! I was shocked when I was instead, directed to an internal error message! Albeit emblazoned with the company logo saying that social networking sites are not allowed..

I am totally guilty for using facebook at work for my own purposes, but that said, I do think that given my short stay at this company in question, the reason why I know many of my colleagues can be attributed to the fact that there is a group online with many of them. That, simply put, told me about them, what they do and where their interests lie. That in turn, allowed the ice to be broken really fast.

On top of that, work related matters and morale is kept high with communication constant. How do you otherwise find a chance to bump into a senior to ask him something when other instant messaging software requires you to personally know the party you are adding beforehand? Well, at least enough to ask him for his skype address. How odd will it be to be asked by an almost stranger?

I do think that in this day and age, where it is the fluidity and availability of information that gives us the cutting age, the restriction of information would only serve to be detrimental. Detrimental to the efficiency of the workforce, and detrimental to morale. Honestly, for something someone uses for a few minutes a day, is it really worth the dissent that will circulate and the resulting inspired dissatisfaction? I am not a new worker, fresh out from school, I know that in an ideal workforce, and especially in engineering, we have a bunch of robots with an infinite work output. I have been doing this for quite a number of years.

We don’t live in an ideal society, and it is not right to try and gain semblance of one by restriction and forcing compliance. Performance of an individual should be gauged by personal merit. Or is it that with the economic climate as it is, more hurdles are put in our path on purpose to make things harder, so that we need to go through a lot more crap to get things done?

What am I supposed to do?

You know what I hate? I have been in a tango, and this all seems to be working in circles, where nothing really happens and then all I am doing is amusing myself for that moment, and then the whole cycle repeats itself. I have so many things I wanna do, but then again, going to the office every bleedy day then really wastes my time, and it really does take up a lot of effort. A lot more than what I deem worth, monetary or otherwise. I am one to work for recognition, and monetary reward.

Slow Mo!

I-Movix SprintCam v3 NAB 2009 showreel from David Coiffier on Vimeo.

I am in awe.

I am firm; you are stubborn; he is a pig-headed fool.

It's all relative. I realize that it is scary as and when people are sometimes courteous to total strangers as compared to people they know well. This is particularly evident when we are looking at two people who know each other well. They are mostly courteous to the others around them, but in some cases, absolutely nasty to their other halves, barely ever stopping to consider reverberations of statements. Sometimes, known or unknown, statements that leave as audible compressions or longitudinal waves, end up as the pebble responsible for the excitation and hence propagation of transverse waves. Albeit in another dimension, perhaps the fourth, but following the laws of physics, enforce or cancel just like any third dimensional wave would.

My theory is that just like there are 3-d properties that cannot be explained in 2-d, There are reverberations that occur in 4-d, that cannot be explained in our 3-d universe.

In case you were wondering about the post title, I realize that it is totally irrelevant to the post, but that is how I am feeling!

Battlecry.

Well, it has come again to a point where I really dont know what to say or do any more. I was listening to Metallica, and I quote - the limitation in human understanding. Limitation in my understanding. So we all go by gut feeling, by feel. And then again, we all know that feelings and logic are contradictory, and then after a while, we are asking ourselves as to why we are acting illogically. We try straightening things out till we hit yet another brick wall. And for a good laugh, hit the repeat and shuffle buttons..... And we have human psyche. Somebody tell me I am wrong.

Teardrop

I was talking to a simple humble cleaner a long time ago when we came across the topic of human emotion. She reckoned that when tears fall sans the wailing it hurts the most.

I reckon she is right.

Ka-chiing, or rather, the lack of.

Oh gawd... After a spate of purchases, I realized that my finances are in disarray... Right, it's time to EARN more dammit! But then again, with the market situation in it's current state, I find that more tedious than ever! Well, I hope that everything goes well from now on. I have been feeling under the weather, and somehow, that is affecting me in a few ways, ways in which I did not expect to be affected.

Whatever the case, I still stand by the fact that if I do get down on paper a little of what i have been pondering about, I will make it really far! Unfortunately, i have been thinking of a few things, that I really want to write about, and strangely, when that happens, the ideas that are going through my mind are so vivid and so unique that it is almost unfathomable that I might not recollect them. Fast forward 2 days, and then ta-daah... I am now sitting at my computer, and really wondering what I was thinking about that was of such great importance! Perhaps it wasnt anything much to begin with, but trust me, at that point of time, it did really seem like it was!

Maybe it is true that writing or noting down different aspects of our lives will not enhance the entire quality, but make us harp upon the parts that displeases us. I was reading national statistics, and there was one about keeping journals. It was shown that women who kept journals are 48% more likely to get divorced, and of that number, 71% more likely to regret their decisions. Someone theorized that we will be happier if we just got on with life and not ponder about details. I say it's experience. It's where we draw that line and start judging rather than experiencing that makes the difference.

Heck, whatever the case, I need to find me dough sources! Anyone?

Weapon of massive consumption

Err, So I did it... I got my dSLR, bought a tripod, and a telescope! All in a day. Pretty impulsive telescope buy, but the SLR, I have been eying for quite a bit!

Anyhow, CATS... that was interesting, but in my opinion, they had a massive need for a stronger spotlight! many times, I had to wonder who they were singing about, and hunt the only marginally more illuminated character in topic! But then otherwise, it was amusing, and more so, I thought it was good that we managed to do something together as a family, and that we managed to get stuff done!

Anyhow, I will Facebook the photos, and twitter what I am doing!

Later!

Aye Keww

Hahaha, this is one of those times I need something to reassure me that I am not a dumbass, not able to think and function. This only happened because the IQ test on facebook was insanely out of point and easy.. I had to find out another way! Not that this proves anything... Perhaps I should visit my shrink... Oh and shrink is short for headshrinker or otherwise known as a clinical psychiatrist or psychologist.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shrink%5B2%5D



Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Tests

Tech-ed up

Well, I just spent a really long time figuring how to work twitter in Singapore, and it took quite a bit of effort I must say, to make it work on my mobile! But, thanks going out to the twitter.sg team, and they are really quite something, taking it upon themselves to make up for twitter's shortcomings.

Anyhow, it has been a father interesting week, and some things happened this week that took me by surprise in many ways! Drinks at Wala's last night was interesting because I met this guy who knew a lot more about cameras than me, and we were talking about lenses and difference in camera bodies to warrant a price difference, and the real observable differences between them. I am really just itching for another slr, a digital one this time. Time to follow market trends you know...

I was feeling rather odd all of today, and I suppose I should just sleep it off, but before that, something that I read today-

We know about God from the Bible; and we know we can trust the Bible because it is the inspired word of God - That's an argumentative fallacy!

What we stand for

It has been a rather interesting weekend, with a lot covered and found. I really do like this, when I do get to think about things and see where that gets me.

I was watching Religulous by Bill Maher and it addressed quite a few issues about religion and politics, of which I will not talk about here, but would still recommend it very strongly to those who may be fortunate enough to get their hands on a copy. For thought. (I did not spell Religulous wrongly).

So much for that, I was going through many things last night and I realized that I have indeed changed over the past couple of years in terms of thought and things that I stand for. I realized that I have been more and more interested in knowing what makes people tick, though I usually have not much to say about it. I have my opinions but that can really be summed into - everyone is different because of the experiences that have shaped them. This may seem really obvious to some, but the depth at which this statement holds true is really misunderstood. I think that I would try not to get into a debate with someone over their actions simply because it isn't the conscious mind that dictates the way of action, but rather the very fabric of their being. It is really interesting to see how people try and justify actions afterward. Their actions that were preceded not by rational thinking but rather, impulse. This was brought to my attention from a book that I am just done with. I just try my very best to see the whole picture, while trying hard to be un-biased through it all.

I read, (I try and I fail. I try again, and I fail again. Never mind because when I try again, and I fail better) and I was talking to a few people about that and I was actually rather surprised with what I heard. Whatever the case, I am actually rather convinced that most people are wired to want a constant in their lives, and that any exception to that would be a threat to their very being. Many, and I am sure that I am included on this, would think of a thousand and forty two reasons to not want to think, or try something. Even when shown that it may be a better option. On top of that, many would cite faith as a reason. It is rather interesting to see how not thinking has suddenly become a virtue. I think that because we are shaped by our experiences, and we are who we are is because of what we went through, the exclusion of options would be self denial of the experiences in life. Of course, that said, I have to add that personal values must always be adhered to. Like the Unitarian Universalists say - A free and responsible search for truth and meaning. Free from ourselves. I do agree with Chomsky on many points pointed out in his “Disinformation Guide”. Freedom is not as common as we think, when mostly we are bound by ourselves. I quote,” There is not one who is more imprisoned than he who falsely believes that he is free.”

Most of this came from a dialogue with a friend of mine, in which she said - don't look too hard, you may confuse yourself even further. I replied, I dont know what to believe, and I am trying to find out. I am not going to have blind faith, which is making not thinking a virtue.

Arrrgh

Well, it has happened again. It's going fugged up. My home computer didnt survive a lightning strike near or on my house. Thought it was the power supply, but evidently, it isnt!! Well, so now it's time to get a new mobo, and a new processor. I was thinking intel c2d extreme. I am still pissed off. You know, how many people have so much crap in their lives? Typical!

On the other hand, I have been thinking of getting a new mobo, and processor, just cos the computer that I built for my sister is almost as fast as mine... Stock! Well, here's the reason. Sent from above!

I have been feeling rather tired recently, dunno if it's the workload or the influx of crap. I just like a cleaner. You know, when there's crap here, clean it up, then more appears over there, and then off I go again... And then it appears everywhere, and I start cleaning like mad, and then it starts piling up... and I am cleaning like mad, but it piles so high it hits the fan... and then it gets flung everywhere, and everything is covered in crap...

Haha... dont mind me.. I am just rambling on... I am just pissed at my computer, and the shit I am getting at work... Thank goodness there is one who still makes me smile when I think of.

Rationalizing

Rationalizing all sorts of stuff that I have done and think about, I realize that it is really unnecessary, all over again. Well, I suppose that most people will never understand. Just because I don't bitch about things does not mean that I am not doing my absolute best. I cant do this any more. I am just gonna go get more beer. I feel like shit, and I am real pissed. I really wonder why I bother. I am learning not to let it affect me no more.

What happens when what you want and what you don't want are in direct conflict? It is so very common.

Comprehension.

All too often when we see someone perform an action without a name, we rapidly forget its alien outlines and tailor our recall to fit the patterns dictated by convention ...and our conventional vocabulary.

Try to never dismiss what you don't understand because we are already excluding enough. And as a friend told me, it is important to get the whole story right. The immersion into even the seemingly mundane / uninteresting may have interesting results. No time is wasted, as long as we learned something. Be it ourselves, our surroundings, about others, or sundry.

Truth is, we can always learn something, until such time we decide to shut off. Whether or not self justified.

Reality Is A Shared Hallucination.

Sometimes it means an outright falsehood told in order to deceive
people and advance the agenda of the liar. Or it can be a “lie of omission,”
in which the crucial part of the story that we’re not being told is
more important than the parts we know. Sometimes the lie can be
something untrue that the speaker thinks is true, otherwise known as
misinformation (as opposed to disinformation, which is something
untrue that the speaker knows is untrue). In yet other cases, particular
erroneous beliefs are so universal—serial killers are always men,
the Founding Fathers cared about the masses—that you can’t pinpoint
certain speakers in order to ascertain their motives; it’s just
something that everyone “knows.” Sometimes, in fact, the lie might
be the outmoded dominant paradigm in a certain field. Arelated type
of lie—a “meta-lie,” perhaps—occurs when certain institutions arrogantly
assume that they have all the answers. These institutions then
try to manipulate us with a swarm of smaller individual lies.
.
.
.
.
.

Such cases of positive proof are in the minority, though. Basically, the
pieces in this book show that the received wisdom—the common
knowledge—is often wrong. Well, then, what’s right? That’s a much,
much more complicated question, and the answers are elusive.
Hopefully we’ll all spend our lives pursuing them. But the first step is
to realize that the “answers” that are being handed to us on a silver
platter—or, perhaps more often, shoved down our throats—are
often incorrect, incomplete, and usually serve the interests of the
people promoting those so-called answers. That’s where You Are
Being Lied To comes in.

-Russ Kick
(on Chomsky - Disinformation Guide)

And so the story goes.

I was talking to my dear friend last night and parts of it I liked... Thought it was really rather good actually.

Feelings are not a barometer of life, neither are they a barometer of good or bad, happiness or sadness. It is a barometer of the unconscious mind's past experience and a bit of genetic programming. As such, in my opinion, self justification may not be necessary as it won't change anything. But rather, experience shapes who we are, our feelings, and that translates to how we act and react. All done unconsciously. Self justification would only be putting into words what we have always been doing. Or eerily,
"Because we all do and say things that truly surprise us, we must construct(fabricate) a narrative(story) that makes sense of those behaviors that contradict with our interim" - Kevin Hogan

What I think is that, perhaps it's not about talking about it. Saying what you can and cannot do, will or will not do. Experience would let you discover yourself. Dangerous thing about this is that values, morals must be developed to a certain extent before embarkation. Though no one should be afraid to change viewpoint, there has to be certain level of self imposed self restraint.

Still hung on

I am thinking, therefore I exist./
I think, therefore I am./
Cogito ergo sum.

- Descartes / St. Augustine

Actions

There are 2 main ways on how we approach things. Basically, I think it can be broken down into - the hunger for the outcome, and the analysis of the process.

The hunger of the outcome.
There are many things that I want , and it is really the main way which dictates the way I approach and do things. I just look at my final goal, and get there. There really isnt that much analysis into the path that I take. It's just whatever comes to mind. It's exhausting every path because I want to get the outcome.

The analysis of the process.
Pretty darn self explanatory innit? It's where the money is, every book written about winning arguments to talks given by self proclaimed professionals.

My point? Get what you want. Dont think. Just be.

Gimme - Ferrari & LearJet / Honda Jet

The correlation between ascending to the skies in your own company plane and rising profits may not be a perfect one, but studies show that where you have one, you have the other. Arthur Andersen & Co. recently studied 334 of the Standard & Poor's 500 companies and found that those that acquired business aircraft created 600 percent gains in shareholder value (which includes stock-price appreciation and dividends) over a seven-year period, compared with 463 percent at other companies. Measures of sales and profit also favored those corporations that used business jets.

Music

I was told that my car sounded good, and that really made my day! Rather, it was how that message was put through to me! "I was crossing the road, and I heard a car that sounded really good! Sounded like my darling, and it was!"

Double whammy!

And I was thinking of going home to sleep! Take a break from what's happening. This shit is bananas, B A N A N A S!

Plans and mediocrity

There are many of them out there who would very mistakenly think that they are more than what they are. But what really bugs me is when the ones who are truly awesome in many aspects start doubting themselves. I think that is just and simply insane. I think that whatever it is, everyone should be confident of themselves to make the right decision. Be sure of yourself.

However, there will come points in time when you do realize that you do make mistakes. We all do. Dont doubt yourself after that. You have it in you, noone's doubting your capabilities. Why do it yourself?

Arrrrgghhh... I am just tired... monday mornings just aint cool. And there is a very heavy dead weight that I feel creeping up. The shit MIGHT hit the fan. And this might be MAJOR. I just hope it goes away. Quick. Shoo.

Music!

You Say Jonas Brothers- I say METALLICA!
You say Vanessa Hudgens- I say IRON MAIDEN
You say High School Musical- I say JUDAS PRIEST
You say I wanna be like you- I say You Can't
You say Rap- I say METAL
You say your weird- I say YOUR A FAG
80% of kid's have turned to pop, Fake rock, Or Rap.
What are You?

Transparency

Strange, I just went through a document on corporate transparency and what not, and though I am still not finished with it, I have gone through a full round of self bashing.

Not what you can do, but what you should do.

Risk Compensation - Peltzman (1975)

He says:" The simple act of making drivers feel safe in a car will encourage dangerous driving". You can find quite a bit of supporting statistics. Disturbingly, that can barely be said for the opposite.

Read his paper if you can!

Holy CRAP!!!

I just realized... Me? I am but trying my best to keep it real. Aye?


Booyakasha.

The Fire in My Eyes

I am just existing, trying my best. What can I say. Decisions count. I am tired.

Emotions remind us of songs? Then this is how I feel.

Clairvoyant - Maiden

7th son of a 7th son - Maiden

(The fire in my eyes as I'm )staring at the sun. - Offspring

Give it up - Masterboy

(Welcome to our )different dreams - (open your mind and get together to the magic sound of Masterboy.)

Fiery - Gu Wat Zai.

Babu's story

I was having a drink just now with the new manager, and for the price of a coffee, he told me a story. Totally worth it.

There was a guru. Archery. 2 students. Standing atop a mound or an elevation of some sort, the guru asked them to describe what they saw in front of them. The first told of the buildings, trees and birds and scenery. The second however, kept quiet. So the guru asked. What do you see? He said, eye, feather, beak..... and what not.. so the guru stared at where his student was looking, and after a while, realized that he was staring at a bird in a tree. This archer later went on to become some real famous archer in Indian history... whose name i cannot remember.


The point is... I am not too sure actually. Perspective or focusing on detail? Detail is contradicting to perspective cos perspective is broad? Awww... whatever it is, totally worth the dollar I paid for his coffee.

Traumatized

I was scary last night. And I apologize to the one on the phone with me. I wont do crazy shit again. I feel horrid. I feel HORRID.

Lord. I am not worthy.

Is this the escapist in me talking? I cant do anything. I wish I could take us away. To a beautiful place.

Viva la Resistance

God has smiled upon you this day
The fate of a nation in your hand
And blessed be the children
Who fight with all our bravery
Till only the righteous stand


You see the distant flames, bellowing in the night
You fight in all our names, for what we know is right
And when you all get shot, and cannot carry on
Though you die, La Resistance lives on.

You might get stabbed in the head,
with a dagger or a sword
You may be burnt to death,
skinned alive or worse
But when they torture you,
you will not feel the need to run for,
though you die, La Resistance lives on.


I dare you piss me off.

Roman Calvary

What am I to do with me?
Sigh... this is just not optimal.
What can I do to make everything good again?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field.

Lyrics | Coldplay lyrics - Viva La Vida lyrics

Forbidden Knowledge?

We are born with no knowledge whatsoever other than some
minor genetic memories, and many of us simply follow the patterns
that life, evolution, and our peers throw at us. We subconsciously
assume we must do as our forefathers; we must follow in
their footsteps; we must marry, have children, get a job, and step
onto the roller-coaster of commercialism and the greed-oriented
rat race we know as capitalism or even communism. There is seemingly
no way out of this life, and anyway, most of us are enthused
by the chase—for we truly know no different.

As I walked, the swords fell behind me and were placed in a
zig-zag fashion across the floor so that my path behind was no
longer one I could walk. This is a symbolic device, a truth we all
must learn — attempting to rewalk the path we have already trodden
is pointless.


- Gardiner.

Anti-You Stab.

The only decision is revenge. A blood feud, and there is a goal not in vain. Values and integrity will win when the time comes, I know, and to end cruelty.

Immortality

'Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof' - V

Past the Point of No Return

Aww Crap!

What else can I say but I really hate crap. I really dont like this, the realization that no matter what, it's just going to be the same crap all over again. Ah well, I am just going to bear with it for now. For now, because it's the path of least resistance.

Work's smooth, most is falling into place. Not much input is required from me. For now at least. Lets just hope that this isn't the calm before the storm / the eye of the storm, and I will be fine.

That said and aside, I have been feeling rather edgy. I feel the knocking of imminent crap that has sneaked up to my doorstep. Ready to get me at the very next turn or action from me. As for now, I still cant pin point as to where that has been coming from, or as to from which aspect that is generated from. It's just the feeling of impending doom.

To those very close to stepping on my toes. I will take you down. I will destroy you. I am only reasonable when I choose to be. I am not always so. Know your worth and know your boundaries.

Endgame.

Well, it's been a few days since I smoked a proper cigarette, and honestly, it is getting easier, just a tad, but my major problem is that, I cant seem to get my brain to start working properly! Coffee increases the urge to smoke tenfold so I'd rather not go there. I feel tired, irritated, and well, generally crap. Well, I suppose it's cos my body hasnt been smoke free for 13 years!

Well, on the other hand, I have also been thinking a bit as to common reactions to feedback.
Just because things are known to react and become one way, doesnt necessarily mean that everything will take that prescribed path right? And when it doesnt, are we to be disappointed? I think that personal expectation is really a formidable force. In most cases, all we can do is hope for the best, and see what time brings. That is of course, must be done without neglect to the decisions that we have made.

You know what... Brain just isnt working, not enough to think straight or do much productive...

Ciao.

Our times.

We live in a society where education is equated to elitism, and ignorance to authenticity.

Protecting car occupants from the consequences of bad driving encourages bad driving. - Professor John Adams of University College London


"Volvo owners read Volvo advertisements." This does not mean that the more Volvo advertisements are printed or aired, the more Volvos will be purchased. Nor does it mean that if more of these advertisements, and those of competing manufacturers, are distributed, more cars of all makes will be sold. What it does mean is that people who have purchased a Volvo are more likely to read Volvo advertisements than the advertisements for other car makes.

The interpretation put forward by social psychologists for the fact that people selectively expose themselves to advertisements that agree with choices already made is that they seek after-the-choice justification for their decision. Voters expose themselves more to political messages that agree with their own views. Cigarette smokers pay more attention to cigarette advertisements than do non-smokers.[35]
-Wilde, G.J.S. (1993). Effects of mass media communications on health and safety habits: An overview of issues and evidence. Addiction, 88, 983-996.

C

Coy Mistress

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, Lady, were no crime
We would sit down and think which way
To walk and pass our long love's day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood,
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow;
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, Lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

And so it is done

Err, not exactly, but I do hope to bid my smoking days goodbye. I know it has been a rather long time since I knew what a non-smoking life was like, but nonetheless, it is probably a good change no? Well, I do sincerely apologize if I do come off as temperamental, sleepy, agitated, having a cold.... right down to bloody insane! I really do not mean it, bear with me while I go through this phase.

Right... I will keep this blog post... for now, and when you guys see it on my blog, you'll know I didnt just type this. It is part of the planning, planning to plan the day it will happen. To me. BUT, yes, when you do see this, it has happened. The end of yet another phase.

Plan of action is simple, determination and nicotine replacement. I have decided not to buy cigarettes any more, but I will indulge in the occasional Havana. Nicotine replacement via nicorette inhaler!

It's all about Perspective.

The dangers of perceiving text in the light of our modern society, is very much highlighted, when there is such fervor in the analysis of certain text. However, it has to be pointed out, that there are many discrepancies known in most religious text(if you want a copy, drop me a note). These discrepancies are not coincidental or incidental in any way. But, in my point of view, necessary at the time of it's writing, to properly and effectively highlight importance of points and convey meaning. This may be because of a lower amount knowledge that was shared. Knowledge that we may now deem common sense.

The theory that I want to put across is, every religion is essentially a carrier of ideology, a carrier of ideas, it is how effectively these ideas are conveyed. What are the differences between them? Nothing if you ask me. They are reiterations of one another, about doing good, being morally upright, searching for wisdom and spiritual advancement, and sundry. If you look upon religions as teachings, then the acceptance of the entire concept of any religion is important.

Most religious text date back thousands of years, language variations in say, the last fifty years, already distorts meanings of songs and literature, it might be high time to remember that singling quotes and phrases really isn't the whole purpose of religion. Just like some religious text, picking and choosing and editing what you like and don't like, or what you feel conforms and does not is totally missing the point. In the same way, quoting text would be focusing attention on parts, parts which you want highlighted.

This constant erosion and exclusion of content, coupled with original inherent discrepancies, makes it all the more important to judge for yourself what the bigger meaning of having a religion is, what believing in a greater power is for, is about. We are in-built with our judgment, our thoughts that determine right from wrong, what we want and what we do not want. Don't constrict vision, it's about making educated choices.

In essence, any religion might not be so much a set of rules set in stone, but a guide to a lifestyle. One that is good. A suggestion to what you might want and how to get there.

Refuse to be ruled by convention.

Well, today has been rather sleepy, and there are so many things that can be on my mind, but unfortunately, I feel rather dazed out. The only real concern is when I go back to school in a few months time to finish off what has not been finished... It has to be done... I feel like a total failure in this. Not gonna talk about it, just gonna do it.

Well, routine aside, I do have some thoughts that surfaced / re-surfaced. I totally understand as to why I shouldn't ever blunder into a decision. Rather, make it a point to, without exception, ensure that it is both logically and emotionally sound. True, I have messed up before, but no. Not going to let it happen. As much as I can help it.

Another one is that, many things are simply beyond our control. I try and hold and retain power, control through many situations and circumstances. However, there will be things that elude you, that refuse your grasp. And these are the things that sometimes, i have to learn to let go of, and simply trust. Because, Reductio ad Absurdum.

I think I should never try convincing people. (unless absolutely necessary) Rather, leave them to make their choices. I can influence one decision, or a few, but that will never change the essence of who they are. More often than not, they are aware of the influence on their decision. Games are only meant for the boardroom.

Repetition, though annoying, is only because through life, you only ever see the bigger picture when you take a step back. Perhaps sometimes it is the bigger picture, sometimes, it's the smaller. Removal of weeds. Whatever clouds your mind. Whatever made you forget what you knew before. Duh... I know, but it's the simplest lessons that I re-learn over and over again. In the multitude of contexts they present themselves in.

I pray that I and those dear to me, will stand by decisions. That we have the strength and clarity of mind to remember the reason behind the initial decision. For wisdom. To hope and to trust.

The dawn of the Light

Well, this weekend was really in a league of it's own, with so many things happening that I suppose that this post really has to sort out my thoughts!

Firstly, Happy Birthday Daniel, though I didnt stay long at the gathering, I do hope that you had a smashing time! By the looks of it, and past record, I am sure you were smashed too!

On a much more serious note, I have been seriously contemplating what has happened over the past few days, and honestly, i have been thoroughly thrilled, totally happy and am in anticipation of what the future brings. There hasn't been a time since whenever, that i am so totally satisfied, so truly happy. Sometimes, and this happens rather often, that I feel that i am elaborating too much, and that there will come a point of time when I will be repeating what I say and think.

Well, to end of my rambling, I need to go sort out my thoughts, To form opinions about things, and this is awesome, love it.

Us

Today, something rather interesting happened to me, I was being a total ass, and fiddling with what I thought might be true, and viola, well, at least in this case, I am sure it proved my point. I was talking to someone, and because he had no prior experience in doing something that I was hoping that he would take charge of, I said to him that because of (some irrelevant nonsense), he was the natural and best choice for that said task. After a tad of convincing, he actually agreed! Totally unlike his character, but he did. My point is, you are who you think you are, or rather, quoting; "I think, therefore I am".

How far does that go? I truly wonder. If every day, we tell ourselves that we are lacking in some way or other, will that translate to us actually behaving and thinking that it is true? Honestly, I sincerely believe so. I was selling office files a pretty long time ago, and it was my job to convince people that my files were the best! Through that, I learned that it is actually easier to convince yourself, far easier than it is to convince others. Simply because, and this is from a conversation with my dear friend, that words are rather poor carriers of thought and emotion, and as such, we relay to ourselves what we are trying to justify to others with words even better than the other party is getting the message. I still do think that that brand of files that i used to market are the best, by far!

So, my dear friend, friends, do not tell yourself what you are, are not, focus on the goal, and what you truly want, and brave the path. I am still in the process of self discovery, perhaps I am wrong, but whatever it is, it feels right and this feels right!

In this case - my email.

In this financial situation, is marketing over-zealously out of point? I have been pondering about this for quite some time, and these are my views. Though from the brand awareness and general marketing point of view, it may seem that there are benefits to be reaped, these must be carefully evaluated.

There is a very important need for the benefits of increased marketing efforts to present itself later and not immediately. This is due to widespread cash flow problems in the M&E, SME sectors, the negative effects of a credit line or serviceable payment terms very often, without much thought, extended to customers, will become extremely pronounced. This said, the evaluation and decision in regard to job uptake must be re-looked at.

Just as in the global playground, the importance of re-evaluating sub-prime accounts is essential to the longevity of the supplying company, and the preservation of intangible assets (namely the preservation of essential anchor customers) of companies. However, the method of approaching this issue cannot be based on the Obama formula that was recently published, simply because there is no leeway for that kind of action. What must be done though, is that negotiations must be initiated, on an ASAP standpoint. Guarantees from both sides for non-erring contracts, must be reached.

On a micro-scale, individual responsibility on each member of any organization is paramount, to ensure the cardinal responsibility to the enterprise is upheld. It is in this situation that I urge every member and partner to be extra diligent, and remember that individual day to day decisions are those that make or break an organization. I cannot emphasize enough on how guidelines and procedures must be strictly adhered to.

Departments that should revamp operations are marketing and research, where emphasis must be shifted from the pursuit of the here and now, to the acquisition of the future. Groundwork must be laid out in anticipation, rather than as a reaction. Direction, though not set in stone, must be verified.

With these points in mind, I conclude, and expect a dialogue to ensue. Detailed updated plans of action are expected to accompany standard reports.

Most Sincerely,

Kenneth

I am human, therefore I create.

Well, I have been really and truly amazed at what has happened. I really did not expect this to happen so quickly, and such have been surprised, very pleasantly of course, by the events that have taken place.

The commitment to happiness.

Ruckus

It has been a good week, a good, almost surreal past few days. However, it has come to a ruck. Well, I suppose I need time too, I need to figure out my thoughts, and if I am sure, then time is not an issue, time is just but an illusion of now, and there is plenty more from where that came from.

Plan to plan - Plan to plan to try.


On that, I decided to add more. Isnt it odd how alive we feel when we are thrown out of what we perceive as normality, isnt it odd how it is at times when we are confused that we make decisions and show ourselves to be who we really are? Strange, friendly normality will not expose who we really are, will not show anyone who we are. How well would we know another if everything was in a peaceful state? Not terribly well. That said, it cannot always be filled with turmoil, but rather, I think that self discovery, mutual discovery happens when we are pushed out of our comfort zone. This is but the beginning, this is a crucial step, one where a decision is made. To share or not to share. We cannot write the future, but we can sure try to get where we want to be.

The best is yet to be.

And here's to a new beginning

I am happy, and I havent felt so truly happy in a long time. To be understood, and to understand. I hope that this carries on, always. What i want. I know what I want. I have what I want.

I quote me.

I can no longer logic, logic has become consumed with emotion, unsuppressed, desire, desire for what i want. Logic, stand by me, wisdom grant unto me.

Visionary

Strange, but i always did think of myself as more the dreamer than the do-er! I have the vision, the inclination that it is right, and i am usually rather right about what i feel, but mostly, am not strong enough to pull through with it all the way. From conceptualization to realization.

Work as a team then huh! I need to find a suitable one, so that i can be left to do what i like doing. Daydream.

You Are An ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but you are not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. In love, you see everything as a grand adventure. You enjoy taking risks for love. And if things don't work out, you're usually not too much worse for the wear! You would make a great entrepreneur, marketing executive, or actor. At work, you need a lot of freedom to pursue your own path and vision. How you see yourself: Analytical, creative, and peaceful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Detached, wishy-washy, and superficial

What's Your Personality Type?

Seizing the moment.

I am perplexed. On one hand, I know that it must be done, I want it to be so. On the other, I fear that I would mess things up. What do you do when you're confused? Do you just screw it all and go for what you want? I have been known to be impulsive, but I am holding back. This is not normal.

And so it is done

And so it is done, all the unhappiness... Gone? Perhaps not, but shoved involuntarily and with brutal force into a dingy corner where memories reside. I will always love my memories, and cherish them. There is always a soft spot in my heart, where memories continue to grow, dreams based on those memories, of what could have been, if only. If only.

We are all different people, similar in most ways, but each is slightly individual, and in the case where differences are exaggerated because of over-analysis, now that is just a shame. We stand tall, stand strong, and we get what we want no matter the price. We concentrate on the goal, and brave the path.

Trying times

Through trying times, many of us wish that there was someone there to stand by us, and give us the emotional support that we need, or rather yearn for. However as time passes we all realize that it is impeccable that we are self sustaining, self reliant. Dont get me wrong,I am always trying to help out, and i know what i can and cannot do for someone. But that said, i think that it is impossible to be happy when it is a dead ended thing, when there is no happiness in sight. We just deal with it. This of course... Duh, is easier said than done, but through our trails and tribulations, we grow to be more than who we are, become better and stronger in character, and most importantly, find out who we truly are.

A dear friend said to me recently: "I wanna see you stressed out. Stress brings out the best and the worst in people." Stress. Be it emotional or psychological, gives us a chance to learn, about the one thing that we are here for. Ourselves. Gaining experience as we go along. Going by the book mostly just doesn't cut it.

If help is needed, ask, and i will try my best.

In Loving Memory

Though our encounter was brief, you left a deep and lasting impression on me, one that i will hold in loving memory of you. Though your time here was brief, There is no turning back from what is wanted of you in the infinite wisdom of our creator.

To a friend whom i never had, I bid you farewell. We shall meet again, where the pastures are greener.

Dizzy

I am dizzy by what i call anticipation, of something that may just well never happen, and a future that may well never be. I am a fighter, and i fight for what I want, but what happens when those around me are not wanting the same thing as me? How is it, or rather, is it my job to convince them? Perhaps it has been my job all these years to convince people about what they do and do not want that i unknowingly apply it into my own life, But where does fate come into play then? where does selection based on common interest come in? I know that i am different from most, I know i have tendencies that many others do not, split personality sometimes too i feel, but that's not my fault issit?

Whatever the case, I am waiting in anticipation, to see what time may or may not reveal to those around me, and hoping hard that at the end, what they want may just coincide with what i want. I saw a picture, it was rather direct. Get what you want. What happens if people dont know what they want? What do i do with me?

Tadaah!

Well, I am having a personal, self caused headache, with the reason of my problems self caused. I really dont know what to do or how to react any more, and in this situation,I really am lost enough to not do anything at all.

Well, if you are reading this, please do talk to me, and give me opinions on what you are thinking, and as long as communication channels remain open, and we are receptive to ideas, everything can be worked out. That is a universal truth innit?

Whatever the case is, I do think that I am wasting time here, getting fat as hell, doing close to nothing, enough time to be blogging ever so often, and i do hope that my mind doesnt waste away within these few months, unchallenged.

Living true

Venturing back into the past, when i watched the show... Walk Hard (all of you should catch it) I was inspired to Walk Hard in life, to be all that I can be,To strive for everything that i want. That has been mostly how i have based my thought and decision processes. However, what happens when emotions get in the way? I was just thinking, RPGs are easy cos you have no emotional attachment to the "soldiers" that are sent into the battlefield to fight. Imagine the same computer game that you felt a great deal about every single one of them that are sent to the battlefield!

Well, true to my word, I am bloggin' like a rabid me... And tadaa... more of my thoughts are penned!

Time to KILL!!

Well, I have taken another step backwards, and my life is slowing down a notch more! I am stuck in an office most of the day, with time to kill, and thus such, I am going to be back, posting with a vengeance!!

I dare say that I will not be able to do this for a long time, this staying in the office all day thing, and I just cannot comprehend as to how people can sit their asses there all day and not be so tired after a day! One point that i have to add is that fatigue from this activity is totally independent from the quantity or quality of work. It is however, solely dependent on company. If those around you are interesting, it is a breeze. Needless to say, it is tiring for me.

That said, I am enjoying the place, just cos the place that I am at right now brings back many memories, of happier days. Lets see how this works out. Who knows, it might turn into resentment, reminding only of a time past, gone by.

Qurified message

This is so cool it's insane!! This is for example, my contact info!! Go figure!

Dizzy

I'm back! after a long break, and after a wretched cold has forced me to slow down a tad, that i am here again, lost and confused as to the next step that i must take. The right choice is not always the best choice says my friend, but what else can i do? What else can be expected? I really dont know.

In hindsight, Korea was fun, and i cant understand skiing, it is so dangerous!! Cant stop, hurtling toward people and trying my best to avoid them is insane! Well, I love the weather, and -15 is better than 35 degrees!

I am addicted to what cannot be. Maybe.